I just came back from the doctor right now...and my pathology report is in the cells showed pre-cancer but no cancer!! Who hoO! Dr. Weiner was like well I was really worried about this when I opened you up...I was unsure because to me it looked like cancer...thank god we caught it. Happiness filled me up quick because whatever he was going to say I was ready to take it. I guess in my life I feel like I can take anything.
Me and my mom went to chilis afterwards and had the fight of our lives. I dont know why. Im a little confused right now, but tired now after what happened. I am telling my mom, how happy I am, How I feel like I can do anything, How I have so many plans on what I want to do and go and see. Her response was well first you need to let go of the anger and bitterness. What the heck is her problem!!!!!!!!!! Anger and bitterness..................................Did you hear what I just said. im just professing my love for life and she starts talking about that I have bitterness against my brother!!! MY brother lives with my mom just like I do (which will be soon done with) and doesnt contribute or buy food and my moms okay with that. It does get on my nerves a little bit because he doesnt contribute at all and i spend my whole paycheck on bills but to her its still not enough. Im thankful that she has let me stay here because she doesnt have too, and thankful she has helped with the baby and thankful because I thought she was proud of me.
Recently she had been saying ohhh and you would have been done with school if you would have went to school when I said you did....and little comments like that.... I said well mom I didnt and you saying that just waisted about 3.5 seconds of your life because it didn't matter. I dont know why she does this to me. The idea of me being sucessful bothers her I feel. The idea of her seeing me happy in my life and in my own skin bothers her even more. Why! I dont worry about my brother it would irriate anyone in the same situation but it doesnt take over my daily thoughts about my brothers situation. It doesnt bother me, my problems dont bother him its like strangers living together....big deal. IT Bothers her. IT bothers her to see me trying to get a head in life and be happy and healthy and him not trying. Its not my fault. Its not my fault he is the way he is. All I can do is pray from him and myself that we find our way in life. I found mine. I wish she would just be proud that I did and stop trying to bring me down. She said stop telling everyone that your happy. Why? She told me to shut the fuck up now. Im sorry i cant .I refuse to let her try and make not happy, I refuse to try and let her control me...and try and lead my life. THats why I dont have a husband. She has gotten so much in the middle of my relationships I cant even be happy with a man because shes not. Im just gonna pray to god thank you for blessing me all this time and to walk me through my throyid surgery with no cancer there so I can continue my beautiful life that I have. Im going to pray that any one else who attempts to not let me pass on to happiness and prosperity be lifted up high and find god and a revelation at the moment they try and attack me with their negative energies. I am going to pray god blesses me with my own home so I can raise my son in peace and love. GOd bless help me right now get over the pain of my drains from my breasts and be thankful I dont have cancer and be thankful im sane and have so much love in my heart its gushing over full to give to my son and my family. I pray that my mother and my family get to feel the same thing I feel and be happy and prosper in their lives.