Saturday, March 20, 2010
That date keeps running through my head. Im going back in the hospital to get my expander on my right side...finally so I can start to be done with this. No one actually knows what its like to run around with one boob bigger than the other...I laugh about it...but im tired of it...Especially when I lean down sometimes and can see a big implant just sitting in my bra sticking to my skin...ughhhh. I had the most funniest day at work today climbing camelback mountain. it was so hard! THe kid I was working with had a ball watching me struggle but I did it. I been on spring break so I kind of really took a break from school but tommrow im gonna catch up on some reading and studying. A downer to my day was when I got home my mom told me that she cant handle watching my son. I know I shouldnt take it hard, but I dont understand how she says that but doesnt want anyone else to help me or watch him. I feel bad. I feel alone. I hate this feeling. I even scheduled my March 29th hospital overnight stay alone. Then I think its really bad, that i think im going to enjoy being alone. I will miss my son of course but not home. I dont feel like this house is my home anymore. I dont feel comfortable living with her. Im still working on my credit...its going good....I have to graduate....then I will work in the day...and this will be over....I think I want to move FAR. Like Gilbert...SO She wont come over. Dont get me wrong my mom is my best friend, but I feel like she takes my brother who stays here buys nothing, no food pays no bills....and doesnt say anything to him....but she does to me...and I think she got mad because I took the cable box back....lol...I dont even watch TV!! why should I pay for my brother to sit and watch cable and eat my food no thanks. Im just gonna pray and keep praying.. that god keep showing me the way down the path of clarity, and to that family life that I want for my son. Good Sleep. My brother came home at four in the morning and woke my son up and he didnt go to sleep till 6 am. Peace. I called DES to see about fostering a toddler...abel needs a playmate..by then we will be moved out...and I feel i can start my life. I feel like im runing and runing like a hamster...and I never reach my goal. Im going to reach it, Im going to reach my goals...im gonna move, im gonna provide for my son and im going to remember i dont need anyone all I need is Jesus and he will make everything right for me. Thank you Jesus Thank you so much for my life.