A Single Mom who puts who her best thoughts her best actions all out for Jesus and her the two Angels he sent her..we are not perfect but we are family.
Monday, June 28, 2010
I graduated ASU !! and then more changes...
I havent updated in a while I been more stressed and lost than anything. I keep asking myself dude....what are you doing hustle..hustle hustle....I cant stop. Well I graduated ASU and that was a very proud day in my life. I thought it would never happen. My family and friends came and I was tickled pink to say the least. When I got my degree I looked up and saw my son and I almost melted I never have been prouder than since he was born.He is my rock he is my light, that I know I have to keep going for. It was awesome I had a little dinner at oaxaca resturant I had a blast. I really really had a blast it felt like everything that I worked for, and cried for actually made sense. I love my family and friends for being there it was so cool. Well, I keep trying to find a regular job and right now its soooo hard its like me and 10 million others are doing the same thing. I just pray the economy changes. Well, life seems to throw curves at you just when you feel its perfect. I found out i was preganant after I graduated. To make a long story short I was really not going to have it but couldnt go through with that. That is so awful it happens every few minutes all over the united states and I couldnt be part of that. I was like what the hell am I gonna do with another baby, OMG I feel like killing myself...so childish of me to say that...but thats what I thought of. Time went on I told my mom and she was okay with it..all she said is ummmm, lol. I was like woow at least she didnt call me a stupid ass like last time. I know I have alot of work ahead of me. I still need to finish my breast reconstruction, and my throyoid is cutting off my breathing at times. I dont want to tell anyone but thats what going on. Im really not in the best of health my docs told me but they think i i should be okay. Im neverous sometimes, I feel like panicking. Im 33 pregant single, with a little boy. Its seems like alot but I always can find this inner strength inside that sometimtes I think I didnt have. Just when I feel like everything is too much I always find out its not. I have come to realize that I have been able to mask for years my confusion with sex and men. Being a victim of child molestation for many years my versions of sex with men and relationships have been distorted. I refuse to be afraid to stand up. I love my son abel, and I love my new daughter to come. We are surviors and no one is going to take that away from. This is my baby and we are going to have a good life together and im going to do my best to show my children a good life.