Sunday, November 28, 2010

Thanksgiving...Fullness...learning....and constant change....


Thanksgiving Day 2010....Wow awesome...I woke up at 6am pulled out my laptop looked up how to cook a turkey...and did it. I never have cooked turkey....and it was easy.I bought the food for thanksgiving and thought my mom was going to cook it but was informed that she wasnt because no one appreciates her. I dont know why she said that...but I dont have time to worry Im eight months pregant now...have christmas to worry about...and still working barely...even if its 10 hours a week im working....I have learned to be able to streach money and ways to cut corners and basically do with out most of the time. I thought about what i am thankful for  and im thankful for my son, he brings so much peace and joy to me, im thankful for ASU for putting my name on a degree that I worked so hard for, Im thankful for my job where in dec I have been there threee years and they have been so flexiable with me...its a true blessing. Im even thankful for aflac....lol....without them I wouldnt have survived the hospitals and future hospitals for that matter...Its the best 90dollars a month I spend...that saves me when Im sick. Im especially thankful for GOD, hes number one he keeps teaching me and showing me that I can do anything, I can be a good mother, I can be a role model for my children, I can provide and showing me how to utllize anything I can to benefit my children and I. Im trying to get used to saying kids plural....Im a mother of two....a single mother of two.....A actually very single mother of twoo I also learned this weekend...but Its okay....you live and learn I guess and dont do it again right?
I think my blogs one day might be like a single moms memoir or something...of how the things we go through and learn about ourselves our kids...people who come in and out of our lives....this saturday me and abel went to encanto park with david and his grandaughter. Shes a lil sweetheart and  abel likes her alot...they had had a blast.
My son sometimes get really excited, hes kinda hyper sometimes but hes three...he acts like hes threee...I got my feelings hurt...because well....of course my situation is odd...for any man to come into....a preganant women with a three year old boy....with all my issues...all my health problems....who would really be able to walk into that...and take on a almost husband and fatherly role???? IT take a strong person, and a person with no barriers no exceptions no judgements. Before David...I was set on not dating anyone...like ever...I know it sounds weird but i didnt want to bring anyone else in my world...there is just tooo much going on...


but I did....Im thankful David is here, Im thankful hes a postive influence for me. I need a good directional leader like him and im enjoying him to say the least. This past saturday...was a lil weird....it was like the frist time we were alone with kids his grandaugher my son...in public a little stressful because we dont know how it is with kids in public together...and I just assumed he would help alot but had some problems with understanding abel...but im assuming it was just confusion.

Abel is hard sometimes...hes very active, very curious very happy.....it could be alot for someone to understand who isnt around kids alot or really have any of their own....I mean before I had kids I used to run from people with kids...especially like mine..lol...but then again...I didnt have the love in my heart back then like I have now....
So I could understand his frustrations no family is perfect especially just starting out. I hope this was just a wrench in the game that we can use it just to tighten any loose ends to see if we all are meant to be a unit...a family unit....Right? Thats just what any single mother wants a family for her and her kids so she can do what comees naturally to her...and thats motherhood....and womenhood....
Needless to say things are contining to go well....I have a few weeks left in my pregancy....I have almost everything I need for my daughter.....my job is preparing for me to be off......I actually cant wait to be off...I need it...I need to be home with my kids right now....I have so much to prepare for next year....Surgeries...Moving..paying off Bills...working.....buying a house..graduate school.....Disneyland...I wanna go to vegas with david....taking care of abel and madison and my David....



Whatever it is im thinking I have to be like Walt Disney.....and KEEP MOVING FORWARD>>>>>>>


We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.


Walt Disney





Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Ashanti - Baby

Reminds me of my love....David...Muah!!!!!!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Change is so wonderful....


Change...its hard for everyone we all know but Change right now for me is GOOD. Things have been a little weird for me...but I always manage to steer it back on track and keep on going. Im 34.3 weeks every friday im a week so friday I will be 35 weeks!! 35 weeks!!! It seems like forever I been pregnant...but in reality its a blink of life. Me and David have been having a blast, seeing each other and weekends always on the phone together...its so awesome hes so funny and sooooo gosh dam handsome...I look at him all the time and im like dammm hes fine....lol...and hes with me...lol...you know why right...lol...it feels good sitting next to him and talking to him....I just feel so fullfilled....I am scared a little bit...because i dont want to get hurt...but ill never know what will happen unless I try. This weekend was soooooo awesome....embarrassing at some points but sooooo awesome... Me and David went to the casino buffet with his daughter....and I let larry see abel for awhile so we can go. When it was time to pick him up Larry was mad because I wasnt their at seven sharp he started cussing me out....I started cussing him out....it was so dumb. Finally I just ignored it and I asked David  to go with me to pick up abel, in fact I asked David to wait for larry outside of the car to get abel and I wait inside the car. OHHHH MYYYY GOD.......I wish I did this years ago......lmafao....The sound of larrys voice....his mouth was stuck open.....his beedy eyes buldging.......that was sooooo awesome......David just said okay abel and helped in the car, and was talking to him and asking him if he had fun......lol...I never felt so proud in forever. A man standing up for me a man their for me!!!   It just seeems Like that would never happen its been so long....that I had a really good man to be in my life....and hes here....I want to hold him tight and never let him go....I have tears....David said dont send abel back there...that felt good to hear my man say that...MY MAN...my man in my life that cares dude Its just like awesome...and I feel so happy and blessed.....
Off Topic
another change a incident happened with one of my friends....not cool at all. but I just prayed about it and let it go...I dont have time to worry about what people think or say...its just that people are finding out lately...that i dont let people say things  that are hurtfull anymore...I dont just IGNORE it anymore....I was raised to ignore everything to cause no problems.....yeah thats good but when someone talks about my kids my unborn kids....nooooo sorry....cant do it...I always was such a friend to her... I listened to her, I was there for here, came running when she needed me....but now that I look back...did I get the same in return??? Of course not...thats why im not worried no love lost....but think wow...she called some of my other friends and was saying not be friends with me??? wth....doesnt she have a life....lol...oh welll...some people have inner things that we will never be able to help with and we can only pray for  them and hope the best for them. Im not gonna lie ill probably miss her a little bit, shes nice, funny, and cool to hang out with but all the stuff she said and of course im no angel I shouldnt have fell into that...ughhh maybe it is my hormones these days...lol...cause I go off....but to talk about my daughter...thats just not cool....and embarrass me calling my other friends like a little kid....lol..she was one of those kids on the playground who used to try to get kids to take sides or something...geeezz...all I can is wish the best for her.
Friday I went to benefit dance at corona ranch it was sooo neat. It was for my friend lucys friend for breast cancer. Thank god for Lucy, I feel so close to her and so blessed to have her in me and abels life..I called her when abel was with larry and both weekends she talked me through it...she can like talk me through anything....thank you girl. Thank you so much for being there for me no matter what...even If I talk about you..lmfao....apparently I dont love lucy either...lol..my freind I mentioned earlier was on a mission to make sure that me and lucy would not be friends...sorry darling we are not friends we are family!! thank goodness for lucy shes such a blessing in a ton of peoples lives shes awesome lady.
At the the benefit dance I was happy to be there and donate even with my big tummy I wanted to dance and drink some beers...but i enjoyed talking to my tia and lucy and her sisters when they came..It was cool to be cheering someone on and helping them because I know what they are going through. Nov 9th 2009 was my surgery its been a year!!! Its been a year....crazy....read my blogs this time last year... Iwas in sooo much pain mentally and physically...I feel so blessed I feel so much love in my heart to be alive...Im glad my doctors took care of me like they did...because if I didnt do it...who knows my pre-cancer would be cancer now...Im proud I had my surgery...Im proud of my decision...Im proud of my fake boobs...and my scar lol...I dont care anymore....Im just enjoying life

Look at tia stella, she went with me to the benefit dance...A year later me and her were celebrating...we really didnt think about it..but now that I think about it!! we were!!! Last year I was screaming all the time..lol...I didnt wanna leave...I questioned my womeness..because of my boobs....I was sooo gone....tia stella was there....and I still in school isnt that crazy??? thank you sooo much tia stella you been my angel since I was born...its crazy how i remember things I remember she took me to the fair when I was a baby, she went to my kindegarten play when I was a elephant...she was at my 8th grade graduatiion, highschool graduation, she was there all night when abel was born and putting up with my crazinesss, shes been there through my boyfriends...ugggg even Danielll and that gametime incident...oh gawdd....lol....  she was at my  colllege graduation I remember looking at her andwaving I was so proud...she never forget my birthdays growing up, I loved the bags she got on my birthday and would decorate my room with them...I used to stay with her at her house when I was little and tell my cousin he was my brother I will never leave...him...awww and i always remember the little christmas ornament she bought from us when our school was selling them that was at her back door and when you open it how did I make it all the time from then till now...every moment she was there....isnt that cool? God sent me an angel and thats my Tia Stella...I dont care how old I am shes MY tia and im thankfull for her. I made it through the year...amazing to me I dont know how I did it but its god way for me, it was god who picked me up and lead to me to visit the nun monistary and my tia stella and I thank god everyday for saving me. fAbout tthis time last year I finally i remember about this time I just quit going to school and didnt think I would go back right I was like im headed for the crazy house....lol....Me no sorry I dont think soooo...lol..I graduated, Im having a baby, buying a house next year with my sexy boyfriend..Graduate school or law school....idk....but im doing it....Im jumping phoenix princess off next year....and my maternity clothes...photo shoot is sunday this week omg Im so freaked but a good freaked....lol....I have a sure online payment process for my shirts  that I finally figured out thank goodness....Madison is getting her own line of onessiseswith tutus on them...i need to start making demos for lowrider baby!! Im smiling right now...things are cool.....Thank you Jesus for picking me up and saving my life...and protecting my heart and soul and giving me the energy and the clarity to see past things and out of the confusion i was in I wouldnt have seen before..thank you jesus...thank you sooo much for my life...and thank you for abel...and madison in five weeks....she will be here...and David....im still smiling as I write this....
 
LG   Life is Good.....

About Me

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Highly interested in the future of my two children...and creating postive memories for them is my goal. Im a single mother, a ASU graduate and a social worker...by accident.