Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Sleep....whats that....

My Good Friend Roberta Shes sooooo sweet she came over to see maddy, her heart is like a golden heart that is so pure and shines so much thank you for her being in our life. Shes Maddys angel. Love you Roberta..

Heres she is a week old in this pic! tommorow she will be two weeks old time flies like crazy!!!  Well im  just sitting here wanting to go back to sleep but abels here and of course its morning, and well, thats just not in the cards right now he cant watch  Last night was rough. Maddy had tummy problems I think it was because of what i ate since im nursing her, because she could not sleep and i was falling asleep holding her. About 2 am she eventually fell asleep and I was up again at 7 am. It was weird last night all kinds of thoughts were going through my head, probably because of lack of sleep, no nap in the day i been napping in the day since we got home, so when she goes to sleep I do too, and abels been going to daycare, or school giving me time. I cried alot last night, I dont know why. To be honest I cry all the time since I got home from the hospital. The hospital said if I feel sad to call this post pardum depression line and they will help. I called it they did help me. I dont wanna cry but I feel sad and its just weird. lol...I know its my hormones, but Icant help but wonder why do I feel like this crying is not real, then I feel guilty that im crying I feel like im being selfish or something. I know this will pass I mean I hope this will pass fast. Madison is a lil blessing. Shes so cute and innocent and little. Her lil eyes and her lil cry are the cutiest thing. I love dressing her up and talking to her I always tell her about abel and how he was when he was a baby, and to not worry he will take care of her when she gets bigger.
So almost two week my life has changed and its gets better and easier and more blessed. I just keep telling myself to stop crying and keep your head up you gone to far now to start crying...
Their is one thing thats missing right now....

I havent been able to see david for a couple of weeks....we went to dennys before I had the baby and he came to the hopsital I miss him so bad......Its him im crying for I just want him here with me, next to me...its crazy....he said we are going to vegas on valentines....I emailed him the info...on the rooms and stuff... The only thats actually keeping me together its knowing that me and him get to be alone soon. ALONE AT LAST>>>> lol... Im just being honest with myself...I havent wanted and craved some one so bad in my life...for years....I mean years....okay ya i liked guys  I even loved abels dad...everyone has love at different levels...This is just different. I dont want to give up...I hope he loves me like i love him I just cant take another  heart break I really cant. I look at him and sit next to him and every problem I have or though just seems to melt even if its just for a few moments.

Heres is two weeks of life changing events and thanking Jesus for blessing me with madison..and God works in mysterious ways tooo because after all my surgeries i am still able to breast feed my daughter. Not 100percent of course but Im still able to nurse her so she get can get some milk for her. It made me feel like a million bucks like I can d om something for her. Shes so cute.  

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About Me

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Highly interested in the future of my two children...and creating postive memories for them is my goal. Im a single mother, a ASU graduate and a social accident.