Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Fast...Learning...Relaxation and Love..

thats how I can sum up the last couple of weeks..I cant believe how time continues to fly. Im enjoying every minute of everyday. Although financial stresses continue to creep up I try and tell myself God will continue to provide and we will continue to be "okay". Thank God for my mother, although sometimes I cringe at the thought of coming back home sometime here but I know its because I long for a change a new window to look out of of. A MOVE, A CHANGE new walls my dream. For the last couple of years it seems like right when I got close to a house..it moved miles away from me. I have managed to teach myself having my own house isnt everything, and eventually it will be a goal that I will reach. Its just very hard living under this roof with my two children and my mother but very soon im anticipating that change is coming. I want my kids to make a mess and no one say omg a mess, lol. Thats my mother's fav comment. Anyways, update on my test results no thryoid cancer!. That was a relief of course, but a new question arose "then what is it?" It's throyid tissue how do I have throyid after my 2001 surgery I have no idea but I finally said well I dont have cancer I have a throyid again and thats fine as long as im healthy thats all the matters to me. I want live to be so old. So old to see Maddy and Abels kids, just the idea makes me eyes water. It makes my eyes water because life is crazy it goes fast and every single second is precious im scared one day im going to wake up and Abel is going to be grown and Maddy will be grown and all I have is pictures of these miracles and wonderful moments I make sure my kids will have postive memories are our jobs as parents.

Look at this pic. Its like a dream...seeing abel smile...seeing abel be a kid a happy kid, makes me so proud. Im so proud of my son and maddy. Abel is so innocent, hes so imaginative im so happy hes such a amazing kid. At night we run around the house like dinosaurs, we eat ice cream watch disney movies all the time he gets to play all the time everyday goes so fast im so tired by the end of the day but I dont care. I dont really care Im always tired,  I have gotten very used to it. I have a job interview tommorow at Southwest Network as a case manager. Its a second interview the phone interview I passed. Im a little nervous im settled in to not working. I decided to work on my shirt business very seriously. I have a shirt clothing line that I designed after abel was born. I feel blessed because since Abel was born I managed to not work full time, design a clothing line that has been my dream since I was little girl, get my bachelors degree and finally I think GROW UP. I have managed to grow in the last couple of weeks substantially. I have learned about what I want, what I need what my future accomplishments will be. My own full time businness is near. I have so many business ideas that are in the works that im putting in motion...that are all going to manifest in the near future and Im very proud.   Im a very proud person right I could admit. I love to learn I love to learn from my mistakes so I dont do it again its awesome to have a clear mind now. Sunday me and David went to the casino. I love that man. I love him, just saying his name brings a tingle in my body. I look at him and I see such a smart hard working man. It was interesting to talk with him over lunch about he knows his past makes him scared to be serious like with me, he wants to make sure that im not going to just "leave" when I get mad or something.  I talked about my learning lately about relationships and about how I know whatt I want and my plans it was really cool. I mean just sitting next to him..is cool he makes me feel so calm so safe like he would never hurt me even though he has. I think about that...I called him out on his "incidents" and he said hes sorry. I know he didnt mean it or anything..Like when larry or Daniel did things they meant it. Davids things he does are pulling away things not wanting to get close kind of things. I told him every holiday every special event...you disappear and I dont understand even though in a way I do..I dont know when you will let your past go and move into something beautiful we can be. Last night on the phone he said when he gets his apartment me and him and the kids will sleep all on one bed until we get a house in a year. That made me feel so happy and secure just the statement is a change so we will see what happens, untl then my momentum continues. Daniel is on my Fb lol..I know its kind of funny...he actually is turning into my great friend and my dependant with the kids right now....I have been enjoying solo time because he takes the kids and wants to take the kids it feels good even if its some kind of weird plan he might think that I might go back with him...NOT...it feels really good right now...to have clarity, a lil consistency, a new change and a new outlook on every day. Its very awesome.

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About Me

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Highly interested in the future of my two children...and creating postive memories for them is my goal. Im a single mother, a ASU graduate and a social worker...by accident.