Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Nervous Breakdown

YES. I can honestly say yesterday I had a almost serious breakdown. I started my new job. I also got news last friday my brain tumor grew...I started my new job this tuesday yesterday. I cant do it anymore. WTF is a menogomia...Idk...I really dont know..about anything anymore Im trying to focus...Im trying to do the right things...Abel was having a hard time at daycare Maddy is new okay..but not im off for a little while...after 1.5 days...lmao...isnt that like the funniest im off already...till I found out if I need brain surgery...I dont reallly know wtf to do...Most of the time I wanna just run around screaming asking someone to help. me...Or just kill myself..that always comes to mind when I have no idea what to do,.ill figure it out...Im hoping...My mom is like dont worry just stay off work...yes I guess its that easy she thinks living here with her and my brother yes I love it....Ya fucking right...hmmm No body is going to make it better for me...No better is going to help me...I just feel like wtf did I do...everytime I can stand I fall and have to get up and then fall again...Maybe I still am having a nervous breakdown..until I see the dr thursday and find out what the a real life wreck...I dont know what im doing..I hope I keep my planning a move to buckeye, I hope I dont have to have surgery..Im really really...tired of this BULL>..God is here I give him all my problems and let him handle it...I talked to David he said dont worry...dont worry...God will do the right thing..I know he will...

I cant put pics up here today but the link above is me and my best friend carina it was her birthday so for the last two days we been celebrating lmao....Me and her live totally different lives...but still we are the same. She is so awesome I love her very much. When I tell her whats wrong Shes like dont worry fo you will handle it..and that pretty much the truth...Even though im complaining right and crying and screaming most of the day...I always handle it somehow.I always try and make a change and fix.problems...Im really good at fixing other peoples problems  but no one ever offers to fix mine.I feel yelling out i have a family too!!!!!!!!! FUCk dont even know what im talking about right please excuse still not at clear minded level..So today im going to put tons of thingd in a rented a effort to clear out needless toys and cluttter..and continue to figure out where actually my life is headed until thurs at 345...when I actually find out.  So dont worry most likely I wont kill me..I wont leave my kids to be tortured growing up with my mother she did enough damage to her own kids...and B. I just wont...But have you ever just felt lost and have no idea where to turn...Im there...I feel like im in a little box...and cant feels awful...
SOOO to get my mind off....Im also going to work on phoenix My baby My dream my prize ....since I was a little girl....I got to pick up a new batch of shirts...and that kind of stuff makes me happy.

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About Me

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Highly interested in the future of my two children...and creating postive memories for them is my goal. Im a single mother, a ASU graduate and a social accident.