Saturday, August 20, 2011

Strength from Above...

Thats where I keep getting my strength I can feel it. I can smell it. I can feel the angels hand on my back letting me know its going to be okay. The part that is the hardest is the fear of the unknown.  I remember when I was a detention officer in training thats what the sgt said.. the hardest part is the fear of the unknown. To overcome your fears will make you be able to handle anything that happens at work and in your life. He made a impact on me, cause whatever I do that I never done before I always picture him saying that and for some reason it always makes me feel safe and better. I say well lets go I got this. I mean if I used to run into grown men fighting in the jail like no bodys business. lol..I kind of feel like im fighting right now to get that feeling back.
I was young, I had endurance, I had no fear I was healthy...I want it back.  I want my endurance back my health...and like yesterday I went hiking on thunderbird mountain it practically took my whole might. I mean seriously..> im just hard on myself you know... I used to run up and down like nothing...and my big o butt..was struggling stiff but I did it and I felt good.
I feel like im fighting for my life back..and I want it bad enough im not giving up. I also have a little wager going on with DAVID.  I have to prove to him..im strong. Im actually proving to myself..I can do anything like I used to...My healthy long life will continue I will get my mind strong..my body...all for God first...my family  then Me....My kids need me...without me in the world they are on their own...so Im gonna put this out their in the universe now..I wanna be alive I wanna be healthy I wanna raise my kids.....so im here to stay in this world.Like I told my mom Im not going out with out a fight..I been going to aerboics everyday...or hiking..or walking....Im goinf to heal and its going to be fast. Thank you Jesus for another day.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Continuing to Heal...

Woa...its 5 am and my whole body is in pain! Yesterday I  went to two aerobic classes and my body is hurting and I love it cause it means that something is happening. I finally decided to get rid of my baby pooch and extra weight im carrying im really really tired...of it. I should take before and after pics..right now I weight 180 lbs...so four hours of cardio a day...before surgery I think im gonna put a dent in that number fast.
Anyways I been okay still doing what I can do. My umemployment is still off for know I pray that they give it back soon, I wanna take abel to the movies and buy some things I need and Maddy needs. I went this Friday to my friend Jennys party she turned 35!  Im right behind her I love seeing my friend Jenny happy. Shes a fellow brain surgery winner she had brain surgery two years ago...and she is doing wonderful! Gotta love Jenny she is one of the true friends you dont get everyday.
My comadre Lucy turned 40 this weekend too..I was sooo upset I missed her Party but I had to pick up Maddy from Daniels to take her in to er...cause he said she had a fever.only reason I took her cause im neverous cause I havent got her test results yet...from the surgery but I will  this week...I know shes fine..Anyways Im hanging in their...life is like im a playground...you play you might fall but get up again and keep playing!!

YOu would be so surprised on how ABel is doing in school SO WELL>>>> he is talking alot  I mean alot!!! First day of preschool he said he is wrestling the fish...lol..He learned that from Robertas boy emilio..he really loves emilio he watches him sometimes and Abel loves him to death!
Their is Miss Maddy..in her new little jumper I love her so much...and Abel I love my lil Family I feel so blessed!!!!!!!!!!!! God knows I do and I pray that he continues to bless me and get me through everything like he always does!
ANyways have a blessed day world and make it  count we will never get today again...and Ill im gonna keep doing is keeping my head up..

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Tired but New...








Good evening...My Blog...lol... I dont l know who reads this but...I love my blog...its a way to set out my thoughts as my online diary...Anyways...Well Ihave some updates.. We went to DisneyLand!!! AS you can see from above...soooo fun to see abel have a blast with my little niece they both had their little smiles the whole time it was so cool...I also had fun....of course...my mom and my auant went as well. Seeing my mom at Disneyland is so cool since she has been there many times before and always made it magical for me in some way when I was a kid...so im trying to do that for my Kiddies...It was fun...but the whole time their was somethings in the back of my mind...  ;-(

Maddy was in the hospital again..  It was a horrendous couple of days before I went to Disneyland..Maddy had emergency surgery on one of her ovaries...she is 6 months old... BUT she can still have children she has another ovary and everything is intact...which makes me happy...at least...but she is a lil trooper...she went through everything and jumped right back to normal..

Im kinda at a lose for words right now...It was a crazy ride...but thankfullys...shes okay...we finished our trip...and everything is trying to go smoothly as it can...right? DANIEL>>>>> is being the worst human that could be and thankfully is leaving me alone...Just talking about him...gets me mad... I just got a audit...from unemployment about starting my job for one day...ughhh and brain surgery is still in a couple of weeks...;-( I know I know...but I feel free....right now.....I feel like I can do anything...Ill finish in detail tommorow... love Me.
Okay Im back!! Maddy was so grouchy this morning..and abel loves going on a popsicle frenzy...lol...Well to continue what I was talking about Maddy was in the hospital...and had emergency surgery...on a cyst on her ovary..I went into denial..blame..and just blame Froze like the lizard from Rango all in seconds but I made it through like I always do..She did surgery so well minimal scaring..everything back to being a happy baby....it was great...and now im thankful shes okay..and she will have kids cause she still has one ovary.
Im actually doing well these days despite...my Consistent Issues...Hahah I can laugh at everything...every one drama after another right...My brain surgery was supposed to be a week ago but I postponed it..I dont know why...I wish I didnt...but whatever its done...its just like waiting for a Diseal to run you over right....
In a way but in a way not....People always say...you made yourself yourself sick...my mom the first one  to diagnosis me...in everything I do...soooo In true Love and Healing Energy ways...This past saturday I found out why I am having this serious health issues....

Saturday Alex Hermosilla had a Energy Healing Class Like he usually does...and I had the pleasure to attend...A real miracle ensumed...
I met a girl named Jami...a real heavenly sent person...she was partner in the class...she is so angelic...it was sooo cool...to work with her...In the class we practice energy healing on each other...well when this angelic women began to work on me...Very serious things started to happen;
1. I felt like a huge man elbowed me with all his might in my spine.
2. I then felt like he punched me in the stomach...
3. I began to shake..sweat...and fell so much relief throught my whole body....it was like I was new...I was barely born...like nothing ever happened to me...for the most part of the class I felt like I was floating...Although i wasnt feeling well when I entered the class..whatever happened to me that do took out out everything in my body that was not supposed to be there.... I even threw up...I was gagging why Jaime was working on me...
What happened to me you might think....Right?
 I went back to a place furtherest from my mind.... I went back to being six years old...at my nanas house...when I got molested by her husband my step grandfather....YES I said it...I spent years ignoring it..forgiving him I thought...but apparently I didnt. I went back to the moment where my innocence was took and I been mad about it ever since...and its made me sick...and now that it came out like the worst demon ever...I can now...move on...Crazy right...My mom had managed to keep me away from my dad...she didnt protect me in that incident...No one did..No One has for all these years and I been...mad..and in the hotel.... I let it go..>Finally....I must have not let it go....all this time...it came out like animal....>So what I want you to learn is....

1. Whatever happens to you can you hurt you into your bones...your cells your whole body makeup...and if you dont let it go it it can make you sick...physically...sick....
2. Learn to really..love if there is expectations....on it...its not love So love no matter what..and dont regret it...

Everyday is a miracle a blessing....If you dont look it at like that....your lost friends...

Think like a five year old...No hitting, no cussing, get along with others and play and be happy...and your life will be so blissful you wont remember nothing else....

This weekend  I was with David........hahaha I know I know..... I love that man....I tried to get away from him but I couldnt.
..Im trying to love him with no regrets...no expecations...every minute is precious with him to me...

My Journey Continues Friends...

My journey continues..

About Me

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Highly interested in the future of my two children...and creating postive memories for them is my goal. Im a single mother, a ASU graduate and a social worker...by accident.